Alternate title... "Why We Get Sucked Into This Silly Show Time and Time Again"
Tonight, tonight... hot damn tonight!!! (can anyone name what movie that line is from??)
Anyways, tonight at 8pm my booty will be planted in front of a TV, drink in hand, notebook ready, children ignored... and I can't wait! My official recap will be up Wednesday, so don't forget to come back and check that out!
#GetReadyForSomeSnark
#AllInGoodFunOfCourse
Love it or hate it, The Bachelor has become a cultural phenomenon... I mean, it's been on for what.. 85 seasons now??? Something like that... and it keeps on keeping on with it's drama, "romance," ridiculousness and overuse of the word "amazing."
So in celebration of tonight.. I bring you...
1. The Limo Entrances
You only get one chance to make a first impression ladies... so put on your best Miss America dress, don't forget your bloody hearts in coolers, karaoke machines and fake baby bumps...That's the way to make him think "there's The One!" And don't worry if you embarrass yourself.... only a few million people will be judging, and the booze is right inside the door to your left.
2. The Tears
Kleenex Corp. must eagerly anticipate their bulk order from The Bachelor every season... because dating is hard on these tender hearts! Bad stuff happens.. like you have to go bungee jumping, or your eyelashes fall off, or that mean chick threw you some shade. Love is a battlefield, ladies.
3. The Cattiness
These girls come to WIN. There's fame to be had, a huge ring in the end, money to be made from future product promotions, magazine covers to shoot, TV appearances.... and.. oh what's that you say? Love? Oh, yeah, I guess there's love, and a husband and whatever. #Winning
4. The Hot Mess
God bless the Hot Mess... there is always one. A dozen or so glasses of champagne really catch up to you after awhile... but no worries. It's not like your parents are watching and shaking their heads or anything. You're cool, girl, you're cool.. have another!
5. The Cool Locations
In all seriousness... I kinda get jealous sometimes that I'm not single and 25 and 110 pounds so I can be on this show and go all over the world. Except that one time they went to Iowa... sorry anyone who lives there, beautiful state I'm sure... but... #TheyWereExpectingTheBahamas #OrEurope
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| #Iowa |
6. The Deep Conversations
It's so totally normal to talk about how many babies you want with a guy you just met 5 mins ago, right??? And how about conversations about aliens? And if all else fails, just say "this is so amazing" over and over.
7. The Sheer Absurdity
It will always remain one of the great mysteries of our time.... why is the driveway always wet? (unless we have finally found our answer) #ThatChrisHarrisonAlwaysTheJokester
And let's not forget all the normal dates we get to watch... walking in a bikini in downtown LA, shucking corn as fast as possible... who the hell needs dinner and movie when you can shuck an ear of corn in under 30 seconds? #WifeMaterialRightThere
8. The One We Love To Hate
Maybe she's a model and a little too pretty... or maybe she's just a bit too "smart" for all us country bumpkins... but there is always a villain and we just love to watch her be the Queen B. Ooooohhhhh BURN!!!!
9. The Sweet Underdog
Every season has one.. that sweet girl who could be your BFF and you kinda hope that she'll emerge as the "winner" but you have to see her get her heart broken (damn that Bachelor!! How could you?!?!?!) and you just feel for her... but then a few weeks later she's either The Bachelorette or married to her high school boyfriend or whatever and all is right in the world again.
10. The Happy (?) Ending
Well, in life.. there are winners and there are losers... sometimes ladies, you miss out on that huge Neil Lane sparkler and have to take that long limo ride back alone... you don't yet realize what a bullet you dodged... #YouWon'tBeSplashedAllOverTabloidsWhenHeDumpsYou
But sometimes.... SOMETIMES... it works out... and that glimmer of hope for a happy ending is what keeps us coming back for more, year after year.
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| #AllTheFeels |
Pop a cork, grab a tissue and tune in tonight!!!
The Bachelor's back, baby!
Tell me, what do YOU love about this show?
And if you need to get familiar with the girls, read my recap HERE
And if you need to get familiar with the girls, read my recap HERE
You nailed it! I'm so excited for this season!
ReplyDeleteThis.is.everything!!!
ReplyDeleteI have never watched The Bachelor. Ever. Like not even 30 seconds of it but after this post and laughing till I cried, maybe I will. Maybe this will be the year that I get sucked into this madness.
ReplyDeleteI used to watch! But I can't anymore. It's just too...out there.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I am watching Teen Mom tonight. And that's just as bad. Probably worse.
I watched a little at the gym! I still don't know how I feel about this show...maybe I need to give it more time. :)
ReplyDelete