Let's all talk about the elephant in the room, shall we?
Mom Guilt.
I think this is the very first emotion most women have from the time they realize they are going to be mothers.. you get that positive pregnancy test... and BOOM. Guilt hits.
"Oh no, I had 3 glasses of wine last weekend!! I'm so awful!!!"
Guilt can slowly eat away at you day after day as you journey through Motherhood... thanks to that frenemy, Social Media, there is always something about parenting that we feel like we aren't doing well enough, or often enough, or we're doing too often, or doing wrong.
I am no stranger to Mom Guilt, but now that I'm 2 kids deep and out of the baby phase (making me a seasoned mothering veteran.. right??), I have started to realize that I have no reason to feel guilty over some of the things I used to feel guilty about.
No shame in my game anymore!
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| Glo Photography |
Using Formula
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| Catchfly Photo |
Long story short- Austin wasn't a good nurser and I had a very low milk supply. He was about 75% formula fed through his infancy.. and you should have heard the evil things I said to myself about this. I can't repeat them. I cried, I screamed, I locked myself in the bathroom to mope about how I wasn't an exclusively breastfeeding mother and it KILLED me. You know what though? I FED MY BABY. My baby had a full tummy, and now he is 4 and he's strong, he's super healthy, he's tall, he's smart, he's articulate and he is no different in any way from babies who got all breast milk.
Not Entertaining Them Every Second
My kids are in full time daycare. They are stimulated, talked to, and around people for 8 hours a day. They need downtime too. And time to use their imaginations. And they need to learn that Mommy and Daddy have important things to do sometimes too, and that they need to respect the needs of others. Sometimes I will even turn down Austin's request to be played with and encourage him to find something on his own. That sense of independence, realization that you don't need someone else to fulfill you and keep you happy, and that other people have things they need/want to do as well, are in my book, all important life lessons.
Taking a Real Day Off
Daycare is expensive.. and we don't get money back if my kids miss a day. So if I'm sick, or taking a personal day... you betcha that I take my kids into daycare. Mental health is SO IMPORTANT, especially for Moms. I used to feel really guilty about having a day to myself and sending my kids into daycare. All other Moms want to be around their kids every second.. what was wrong with me? Nothing, that's what. My kids LOVE daycare, they get excited to be there, and I get a day here and there to clean the house, or get over being sick and in the end, everyone is happy.
Feeding Them Kid Food
I used to beat myself up over what Austin was and wasn't eating. I tried to force him to eat what we were eating, I tried all the hiding veggies in food tricks, and still stressed like crazy. Maybe it was having a second baby that finally changed me.. I just didn't have time to stress, or create elaborate veggie-filled toddler foods. Sometimes life is busy so chicken nuggets or mac-n-cheese it is. At least they are eating, and so what if your 18 month old isn't eating your adult dinner of lamp chops or curry? Some kid food now and then isn't going to do any harm.
TV Time
Yep. My kids watch TV. Judge me if you want. Remember that downtime I talked about? That importance of "no, Mommy is not your personal slave who is going to entertain you every second of your waking moments" statement I made above? That's where TV comes in. A Mom's gotta get dinner on the table... or some chore done, or make an important phone call. Don't you remember being a kid and those delicious moments of watching cartoons and being mesmerized by the magic of it all? It was awesome...we all watched TV and turned out just fine... and so will our kids. Let them watch some cartoons.
Mean Mommy Voice
So there is this "thing" lately about Gentle Parenting. Don't tell your kids "no".. instead, redirect them. Don't raise your voice, instead explain your reasoning and emotions. Can I get an eyeroll up in here??? Sometimes... your kid does something really bad.. like purposefully pushing your 5lb dog off the back of the couch and causing him to land hard on the wood floor and yelp in pain... and you have to make sure that kid KNOWS that is not ok. No one wants to yell at their kid, but you bet your booty my Mean Mom voice comes out and my kids see me as the authority figure Moms need to be. Trust me, you are doing your kid a favor by making them respect that authority. Just hug it out afterwards.
Sleep Training
I'm not trying to be controversial... every family is different, and you have to do what works for you regarding sleep. Since we have two full time working parents in our house, we knew sleep training was going to be our route. Our kids needed to learn how to sleep on their own, so the whole family could get the rest they needed. We spent plenty of time cuddling and holding our babies for naps, but at bedtime.. in their crib they went and we made that a priority... no matter how much it sucked at the time. Plus, I need a lot of room to stretch out at night!
Working
I always knew I'd be a working Mom. I like having that thing that is "for me" and having a reason to get out the door everyday. I actually earn more than my husband, so my salary is very important to our family in those regards as well. Does it suck sometimes, not being around my kids? ABSOLUTELY. There are days I have cried. There are days I wished my situation was different... but overall, I love working... it provides my family with things we need, puts food on the table, shows my boys that girls can have careers too, and gives me adult time everyday... which keeps my mind happy.
Bribing
Sometimes parenting is just about survival. You gotta do what you gotta do to survive the day or the phase that your kid is in. So, we bribe. We give Austin small treats and rewards for good behavior at daycare, kindness shown to his little brother, staying in his bed all night and not wandering the house like a lost soul... over time the bribes have faded away and now he just does what he is supposed to do (for the most part). We will use the same tactics with Owen too. Who doesn't love to get promised a hot cocoa if they stay in their bed all night??
Taking Kid Free Weekends/Vacations
Neal and I are lucky enough to have both sets of grandparents close by enough to warrant some quality marriage time. We've been to San Diego, the Oregon coast, and Las Vegas sans kids and I gotta tell ya... it's awesome. Marriage comes first for us, and sometimes you get caught up in the drudgery of everyday and responsibilities and child-rearing and you forget about this love story the two of you have. I LOVED staying at my grandparent's growing up... slumber parties there were totally my jam... so I'm so happy that my kids will have those same experiences with their grandparents. It's totally ok to want to escape with your partner and be excited about it!
So time to vent Mommas!
Anything you are just so over feeling guilty about???
