The Bachelor Episode 6- Bahama-Rama Drama

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Well this week was just full of fun surprises, wasn't it?

Olivia is still hanging on (for awhile). 
Pigs eat hot dogs.
The party is over when the queso is gone.
And Leah is totally lame. 

Let's recap!

So we begin... at the ending of last week's episode, with the Rose Ceremony. 

I was biting my nails... will he or won't he??

Our Dashing Young Fellow whisked Olivia away... to give her a stern talkin'-to. 

Whomp Whomp.

He wanted to know the truth, and since Olivia is in journalism and is all about the truth, she gave him a run down of how she became the Most Hated Person In All The Land...

She can handle the hate.. ever since she got that 1st rose, and the 2nd rose, and the 25th rose, and ALL THE ROSES... and since she likes to read and think and talk smart, she just got targeted!

I mean, all those OTHER girls just sit around doing their hair and painting their nails all day...

OBVIOUSLY Olivia was above all that silly stuff... who wants nice cuticles anyways???

Ben finally brings Olivia back to the group, to the joy of the rest of his harem....


And Olivia tells everyone (because she is so mature and eloquent and well-spoken) to just SHOVE IT.

Naturally, Olivia coming back, still clutching her rose to save her life, throws all the other girls into a tizzy. Emily just DOESN'T KNOW. Leaving would be the WORST thing in the world!!!!!
Who's going home? 


Oy this show is so STRESSFUL sometimes.

Ben says goodbye to Who Is This Person (aka- Jennifer, I think... or maybe it was Andrea? Who cares)...someone he had obviously zero connection with, since her worst fear was leaving before Ben knew who she was...


It's time for Benny Boy to get serious about this falling in love business, and announces to the girls that the perfect place for falling in love is the Bahamas!!!!

The girls arrive and make the most amazing discoveries!

The water... is.... blue!!

The sand.... is.... white!

OMG guys, OMG. What are they gonna discover next?? Is the sun hot??? NO WAY.

The girls shriek over their sweet suite and Olivia offers a toast over champagne for love and prosperity and a good crop season and some other jibber-jabber.

I am starting to suspect Amanda is a Fem-Bot, planted by ABC producers to be the "Perfect Emotionless Beautiful Woman" that all men seem to think exist. 

I mean, when Chris Harrison announced the dates she was just SO EXCITED.

The date is for Caila... and thus begins The Pitiful Tale of Leah the Lame... which will go on for the rest of the episode. 

Leah just doesn't know why she's even here (space filler) or why Ben has kept her around so long (fulfilling a quota) or what she should even do about it (might I suggest be a bitch and throw another girl under the bus??)... 

while Caila is just in SHOCK that she gets another 1-on-1 date! Like, could she BE any luckier?


We see Caila grooming for her date and singing to herself to pump herself up... I was sad to see that her little woodland creatures were absent as she burst into song...

Ben comes to pick Caila up and they head out to the docks to get on a big ol' boat for a romantic day on the high seas!!!


The Pitiful Tale of Leah the Lame continues on for FAR too long and she moans and groans about how she and Ben only live 10 mins away from each other, and could have met at a bar..... but fate brought them on this journey together and why is Ben not sticking his tongue down HER throat too??


Meanwhile, Ben and Caila feel SO bad for all the girls left back at the house and have no fun at all out in the ocean. 

Caila kisses a fish, they play tongue hockey, and see who can make the biggest splash...


Dinner portion of the date comes around and Ben lets us know that he's not sure about Caila... he wants to know why she's always so happy, why she's always smiling..... if there is more to her, like you know... desires to be the next Bachelorette. 

Caila nails her Bachelorette audition (no, that's not a spoiler) and stays just coy enough when Ben asks her to open up and be vulnerable. 

She masterfully pulled off the half-ass answers one uses when they are not sure about the relationship they are in... but want to stick around a bit longer.... 

"I feel like I love you."
"But I'm probably going to hurt you."
"I want to open up to you, but maybe I'm not ready"
"But I feel like I could...."

I can just see Chris Harrison... "This season on the Bachelorette... WILL Caila finally open up and find love? WILL she break one of the men's hearts on her journey? Stay tuned for what will be... the MOST DRAMATIC SEASON YET."

While Caila was trying to talk her way out of a paper bag... Ben was discovering he made a very big mistake...


Back at the sweet suite, the lucky ladies who know they are stuck with the 2-on-1 date (because THAT wasn't thought out and made possible by the producers) talk about the shizz that's gonna go down... 

Even though they are both the same age, Olivia feels so much older... she's like, gonna be Emily's Mom on that date and stuff. And Emily is like a bird (because that comment totally made sense and was in context)

Emily, who will now hold all her poo-poo in for the next 18 hours until Olivia has to change her diaper... feels like she is preparing for WAR against Olivia. 


Back at the date,Caila is still yammering on about how she FEELS like Ben is the right guy, and that she FEELS like she's falling for him, and she just wants to FEEL understood... and somehow Ben translates this all into "Yeah, Caila's cool. I'd hit that" and gives her a rose.


The next day, the group date is made up of one of my worst nightmares...

Was that a shark in the water perhaps??

Oh... silly girls...there are no sharks here... just PIGS. BECAUSE THAT'S NORMAL

I just sat through this whole pig-date going "Nope. Nope. No. No. NOOOO. Oh hell no. Nope."


Ever since Neal and I watched some of the series Deadwood where these guys killed a guy and got rid of his body by dumping him in a pig pen (BECAUSE THEY WILL EAT THE BODY) I want nothing to do with pigs. 

Unless they are coming to me in bacon form.

The girls, who have to pretend this is fun and normal in order to win a man over and have their worth validated, were given hot dogs to feed the pigs.

The pigs start CHASING the girls around and basically ATTACKING them... and Lauren H is pretty much my soul sister by how she reacted to the pigs.


JoJo gets ambushed in the ocean, while holding a bucket of hot dogs (man, I hate when that happens) and barely makes it out in one piece.

While Ben is watching it all transpire and chuckling to himself about how much FUN this all is. 

You ol' son-of-a-gun, you....

Back at the sweet suite, Emily gets in another call to 1-800-911-TWIN to fill her in on all the scoop...

And she might have mentioned her impending date with Olivia... but really, the discovery of land and contact with the Native peeps was totes awesome.

Back at the Pig Date From Hell, Leah is once again our tragic forgotten contestant and is complaining to Lauren H about not having any time with Ben... while making the obvious observation that our Dashing Young Fellow seems to fancy Lauren B quite a bit...

A few of the other girls mention that the date got awkward once they escaped the pigs, because of Ben's interest in Lauren B.

And because obviously, dreams were dashed....


Ben and Lauren, sitting in a tree... I mean ocean...K-I-S-S-I-N-G... I mean, playing grabsies..

Ben at one point makes a half-hearted attempt to talk to JoJo and she was all like "Hi and bye" and brushed right past him...

Ben finally corners JoJo and claims she is the only one who understands (why would she understand??) that this is weird for him too... I mean, he has ALL THESE WOMEN to try and please and make feel special and pay attention to...


JoJo won't give him straight answers, or really any answers at all and just keeps playing with her wet hair and showing Ben what he missed out on touching all day....

Ok, can I PLEASE just look like her already?


First world problems...

Anyways... Ben tries to talk to Leah and utters the best pick up line I've ever heard....

Hmm...reminds me of the guy I went on one date with that asked me if I liked mint as soon as we met..... because he was a farmer who grew mint... yeah, that date went well.

Ben and Leah keep trying to struggle through a conversation and Leah tells him she just feels like a Group Date Groupie (ooh... maybe the girls should start a rock band with that name??) and is frustrated they never get to talk...

Leah felt worse about things after talking to Ben and is SO SAD he isn't getting to see how AMAZING she can be... 


The Group Date Groupies (new album dropping in stores soon!) head into the cocktail part of the date and Ben lets everyone know that the day was a little frustrating for him, and things didn't go as he had hoped.

Amanda our Fem-Bot listens intently to her Mission:Impossible...

Ben takes Becca away to talk first, and immediately confronts her and tells her that she had been stand-offish with him that day. 

Yeah. Well, you play Grabsies in the ocean all day with Lauren B and that doesn't really make the other girls want to run up and declare their devotion....


Becca admits she was stand-offish and called him out on his OBVIOUS connection to Lauren B. She also saves face by telling him that he isn't doing anything wrong, and she really likes him..and is rewarded with a make-out session. 


Can I just go on a feminist rant here??? She sees the guy she's dating pawing another woman, and then isn't "allowed' to be stand-offish? And then has to bow down to him and tell him he's doing nothing wrong and then all is ok again once he shoves his tongue in her mouth?

Hello...1960's...we need some feminists sent up in here.. start burning some bras and teach these ladies some independence! Ra Ra!!!

Ok, rant over. Can you tell I took a lot of Women's Studies courses in college? 

Amanda the Fem-Bot gets her turn with Ben and succeeds in her Mission:Impossible because Ben tells her to keep being her (Day 47... he doesn't suspect I'm a robot, I've infiltrated the headquarters...) and that he really likes her.... 


Back at the sweet suite, the girls get their date card announcing their impending 2-on-1 date! They just can't wait to go on the most normal date EVER with their shared boyfriend!

This show is just so normal. 

Back at the party, it's starting to hurricane and stuff and Leah is feeling desperate. She needs to whittle the number of girls left down.. and since she has no sweet defining characteristics of her own... she plays the ol' "throw the girl he likes under the bus" game... 

She tells Ben that Lauren B is not the same person around him as she is around all the girls... and that she doesn't WANT to name names... (oh the sacrifices we make in the name of love!!!) and she doesn't want DRAMA... but...

Lauren B, naturally (not pushed by producers at all) just happens upon Ben and Leah while they are talking and snatches Benny Boy away for some chatting...

Leah eloquently, like the classy lady she is.... is all like "oh no, dahling, no trouble really. I was just twirling through and caught Benny here in a wee chat. I'll be off now" because DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE.


Lauren B can tell something is wrong and Ben confesses that "someone" told him that she's not being genuine. He wants to give her a chance to explain, but she doesn't know how to convince him that isn't true (LB, honey, you need some loopy-de-loop talk lessons from Caila... just confuse the sh** outta him until he kisses you...) 

Lauren B joins the harem and starts crying that someone is talking smack about her....

Things are just SO HARD.... she's so confused... and hurt... I mean, Ben, and the Pig Date from Hell.. it's all just collapsing on her...

Leah sits down and is SO CONFUSED as to who would do that to sweet Lauren B... 

Lauren B says she just feels nauseous now... and we all know the real reason...


Ben ends the party, and the girls go back to the sweet suite to just be sick and nauseous (seriously, how much queso did they eat??? Mmm...queso) while Leah decides she hasn't driven the nail far enough into Lauren B's coffin yet, so she teases her hair and marches straight to Ben's room.

I hope every teenage girl was watching Leah and taking notes. 

This is how you get a man to love you ladies!!

1. Bitch about other women
2. Call the woman he likes catty
3. Whine
4. Complain
5. Name names

Trust me.. the guy's GONNA LOVE you..

Ben sees through Leah's bitchy Goodwill Ambassador act (heaven forbid he end up with Lauren B! Gasp! Clutch the pearls!!!) and doesn't believe she's there for... dare I say it... 

The Right Reasons. 

He sends her and her Daisy Dukes packing back to their hometown bars. Better luck there, honey.

The next day was the 2-on-1 date!!! The girls are glammed-up, boobs-out and claws-sharpened kinda ready!


They drive to meet Benny Boo Boo on a dock (sigh, another boat date? Been there, seen that...)

And embark on a jolly little jaunt out to sea!!!


They land on a private island and sip some wine... enjoy some awkward silence and Emily fits right in with her surroundings...

Watch out Olivia.. Sasha Fierce is here and ready to go..

Ben doesn't want to waste any time (what, the hurricane doesn't make you want to just leisurely enjoy your day??) and pulls Olivia aside first to talk. 

Olivia... is just delusional. There is no way else to describe her. 

She thinks her and Ben are writing a beautiful love story, and that they have a constant, all consuming love. 

She tells him she is IN LOVE WITH HIM, and that she's comfortable with who she is, her introverted nature, and that intellectual, strong, deep things are her JAM.

Ben is so swept away by her declarations of love he marches her right back to the blanket and sits her down for a time out while he tries to talk to Emily. 

Or Emily's hair at least. 

Seriously. Why does no one bring a hair tie with them???

Oh wait, Olivia did.. and is officially the smartest person on this date... unfortunately though... she is also the most brain-washed person on this date, and thinks Ben leading her away while holding the rose is proof she's about to get her man!

Ben tells her that he knew she was special (oh, very much so!) from that first exit out of the limo...

But can't reciprocate her feelings, so ok, sorry. Bye-bye and good luck to ya!

Ben gives the rose to Emily, and they skip off together to the boat and head for shore... while Olivia... well...

Despite Olivia being out of the picture, the girls are still SO NERVOUS at the Rose Ceremony because it's just been a weird week. 

No one had great time with Ben, there were pigs swimming in the ocean, the Beach Boys never showed up, and that damn humidity.

Hair ties, ABC peeps. 


Just scatter 'em around or something...

Chris Harrison (our new Who Is This Person?? because he shows up for what... 25 seconds of the show?) walks in to talk to the ladies...

He tells them Ben is canceling the cocktail party and they are going to go straight to the butcher's block... I mean, the Rose Ceremony. 

Oh, the feathers are a-ruffled!!! 

Mercy, how the nerves are a-quaking!!

JoJo just wants everything to turn out ok....


And our little runway model Lauren H is sent home.... 

She is just so TIRED of looking for love guys... it's just SO HARD to be 25 and beautiful and skinny and single and now have thousands of Instagram followers... Sigh

The producers though, sing her a little song to cheer her up...

That's so sweet of them!!! 

That's Owen's favorite part of The Wheels On the Bus too... it always gets him laughing. 

Those producers.. they just care SO MUCH. 

Well that's it for this week! 

If Ben and his harem survive the hurricane and make it back to America... will he find love?? 

And more importantly... will he develop some weird lip fungus from kissing fishy-lips Cailia? 


Ta-Ta Bachelor Nation!

If you need to catch up, click on my Bachelor tab at the top of the page!


  1. Feeding pigs hot dogs on a date tops my weirdest date for sure.

    1. Um yeah. I'd be like "so I'm gonna hang on the boat... and drink booze... and you guys come get me at the end of all this." NO. THANK. YOU.

  2. I knew you were gonna kill it this week with the analysis. With all of the drama, and Olivia FINALLY getting the boot, yes! Leah...what a jerk. Did she not think through the part that if she somehow magically made it through and to the end that Ben woudln't see her lies when it was broadcast on TV?? She stinks.

  3. Nailed it! And Olivia's gone now? Can we get an AMEN! Don't get me wrong, the drama was amazing that she brought to the table, but her self absorbedness was waaaay over the top.
    Kate :: A Little NW Charm

    1. But who's going to be the villain now??? Someone has to be, to make drama.. my money is on the twin.. I bet she targets some other girl...

  4. I feel like I should start watching this. But it would terrify my husband.

  5. I was so pumped that Olivia was dunzo. Highlight of the show. :)


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